Something I’ve heard from my clients since I started coaching and consulting almost 20 years ago is “I just wish my team was more accountable.” Said with sad eyes emoji, angry red face emoji, and hands on face horror emoji. It’s one of the most popular topics that I help my clients address in coaching and it is the bane of every leader’s existence. Yes, I hear you, accountability is a huge and painful dilemma for people in charge.

But what if I told you that most leaders, when faced with their own accountability, aren’t that accountable either?

Uh oh…cue the oops emoji, the hands over eyes monkey emoji, and the finger pointing emoji. I’m talking to you, leaders. Or, rather, I’m talking to me. So, you know I just launched my coaching app for high achieving leaders. And, at the same time, I signed up for the app and set it up on my phone. I did this so I can continue to experience all aspects of this very cool tool, to show people in person, and to work on it at my own pace…but my app doesn’t play. My AI coach is all about holding me accountable to my goals as an app participant. Wait, what? An app is holding me accountable? That got my attention.

In the app onboarding I stated that I wanted to work on my coaching skills and my AI coach took that to heart. Now in my mind, I was going to do this at my own pace as a check in. So, a week later when I dropped in and started working on the first module, I got this prompt:

Uh oh. My AI coach was holding me accountable to my words and intention. Now it was on me to do the work…and uphold my vision for myself.

Here’s the thing…accountability in a vacuum is really hard. It’s hard to hold yourself accountable on your own because of your wonderful, busy brain… your mind is super creative and will always come up with other things that take priority. As an example, say you want to improve your diet. You set the intention (“I want to eat more healthfully”) and then…your brain sends you messages like “I need chocolate now” or “just one more chip.” Or you order the yummy calorie bomb when you’re out with your friends because, you rationalize, you “need a treat.” And your good intention goes right out the window.

It is possible to be accountable to yourself, but it is a skill to build. This skill is the “holding” piece that always goes with accountability. And the “holding” oneself to one’s intentions is the key to success.

Here are a few methods that I like for improving self-accountability:

• Write out and review your intention daily. It’s hard to uphold a new intention when you say it once to yourself. It becomes more concrete when you take pen in hand and write it out. It’s powerful because it’s been proven that writing helps improve memory and you need to keep your intention front of mind in order to act on it. Then, by reviewing it daily, you’re taking time to tend your intention which makes it more actionable as you approach and set your daily priorities.

• Say it out loud. Speaking your intention is incredibly powerful and it helps you stay accountable to your goals. It’s been proven that speaking out loud is linked with higher productivity and intelligence because it helps your brain “hear” the information and then process it. So, to be truly accountable to your goals, speak your intention out loud.

• Find a partner. I had an accountability partner for years. My work friend and I met weekly, shared what we were working on and aiming for, and then held each other accountable to our own growth and intentions. It was very helpful to have an outside source be a witness to my intentions because they moved from being just an idea or a dream and into a goal to work towards and achieve.

Just as I discovered with Choose Coaching, having an outside source (a person or an app) hold me accountable to my vision for myself is very powerful. The app was right, I hadn’t moved forward toward my intention at all. And, in one simple moment I felt the desire to dive in, take the plunge and move forward in my work as an intention-setter who can hold herself accountable to her goals and vision for herself. Cue heart emoji, thumbs up emoji, and face with hearts for eyes, my fave.

➡️ A great way to practice your accountability is by signing up for my new app, Choose Coaching! The app offers daily practice, practical lessons, and guided reflections, so you can become a more focused listener and a grounded and present leader and coach.

➡️ When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:

• 1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around.

• Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)

I look forward to working with you!

* discount applies to the purchase of the Bedrock Trio (a 3-class series for one 16-person group) on various leadership & service topics…an $800 value!

Have you ever had asked someone a big, open question and then regretted it immediately? Like you opened up a can of worms that just took the conversation sideways? I’ve had that happen, more than once. As an instructor, as a facilitator, and even as a coach. Asking open questions can be a tricky space to inhabit, one where you’re keeping things open while you help the speaker stay on course without going off-road.

Some of the most innocuous questions can backfire because they’re too open. Like “how are you doing?” or “what did you think?” or “how would you do it?” All of these are using “how” and “what” (my favorite question starters), but they’re also so wide open that people could answer in too many diverse and divergent ways. And on the receiving end, sometimes a big question can stop conversation entirely. The person you’re talking with might simply answer with “I’m good” or “I wouldn’t change a thing” or “I have no clue.” All of which may be true enough, but they don’t move the conversation forward. The purpose of asking a good question is to inspire conversation, not stop it.

Let’s pause here for a moment. It’s essential to clarify that the point of asking questions is to deepen connection, foster communication and understanding, and to learn more about the person you’re speaking with. A great coach and leader asks questions that are specific, inviting, and thoughtful, while also demonstrating curiosity and a desire to understand and learn more.

Very often the best questions are crafted with simple limitations or clear boundaries. These questions allow for the the response to be open while question itself is constrained. As a leader, you must be clear: what is your purpose in asking this question? When you’re specific you allow the speaker to understand where you’re looking for the conversation to go which helps keep things on track. Some helpful limitations include:

• Specificity: what exactly are you asking your question about? This is where people get tripped up, their desire to be open results in a question that isn’t specific enough. Help the person talking by asking a question that puts them on the right path.

• Timing: what is the time frame that you’re inquiring about? Something in the past, the future or more recently? Again, be specific in the exact moment you’re referring to, this will help the speaker drill down their answer to you.

• Constraint: this is where instead of learning everything, you may want to learn one thing. One thing can be so helpful to the other person because it forces them to think in smaller pieces, which helps the conversation from going off the rails. Examples include “what’s one thing/step/idea…” or “what’s the first/last thing/step/idea…” Each of these provides a lens through which to listen, learn and speak.

It’s important to go in with a clear idea of what you want to learn from this person. Do you need to know what they’re working on, or what has meaning for them, or what is exciting or stressful to them? Some questions are built to deepen understanding, some are to deepen your relationship, and some are to foster connection. Identify your intention and let this guide your questions.

Let’s work with the wide open questions I posed above and create some questions with limitations instead:

• Instead of asking “how are you doing?” Ask:

  • “How did you feel about your presentation today?”

  • “How far along are you with xyz project?

  • “What’s one thing that is exciting/draining you in your role right now?”

• Instead of asking “what did you think?” Ask:

  • “What’s one thing we could improve with xyz?”

  • “How did this workshop impact your ability to do pdq?”

  • “How did this new program improve what you do daily?”

• Instead of asking “how would you do it?” Ask:

  • “What is the first thing you’d do differently?”

  • “If we did this again, what would you want to focus on?”

  • “What would you like to see if we improved xyz?”

The key with asking good questions is that you must practice asking them! This means prepping yourself with a list of questions to ask (paid subs, I have built a cheat sheet of questions for you, see below:), and taking every opportunity to practice your new skills. Practice allows you to try out different approaches and notice which questions get the best answers. Track your growth and acknowledge your improvement, it’s a huge motivator on your path to becoming the leader you know you can be.

➡️ A great way to practice is by signing up for my new app, Choose Coaching! Until July 3rd, you’ll get 20% off a year’s subscription. The app offers daily practice, practical lessons, and guided reflections, not only on how to ask great questions, but how to be a focused listener and become a grounded and present leader and coach.

➡️ When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:

• 1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around.

• Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)

I look forward to working with you!

* discount applies to the purchase of the Bedrock Trio (a 3-class series for one 16-person group) on various leadership & service topics…an $800 value!

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I did it.

I joined the robots and the tech heads and have created an AI powered app of my own. And I have to say… it’s really cool! Imagine learning coaching skills from me (your coach and leadership pal) every single day. Imagine a program that has been crafted to suit your own personal needs, schedule, and goals for yourself as as leader, coach, and co…

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Last Wednesday I arrived back from a workshop I attend every year simply called "FAB.” It’s a three-day workshop for women in hospitality and it’s truly the best experience of it’s kind. Think “conference” but with a soul, with a sense of humor, with a sense of reality,…

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I was raised to be a good soldier. Growing up in hospitality in the early nineties I was taught that the pathway to success was by saying “yes” to everything. I became a “yes” powerhouse and prided myself on being able to take on any task or challenge that was within my wheelhouse.

My training was sharply honed: say yes + figure it out + get it done = get praise. I loved to MacGyver things, tinker, get under the hood, and fix and solve every issue. Give me the hairy scary customers, the convoluted projects, the tricky employees and I was on it. I swallowed my fear in part because I believed I had no choice. It wasn’t success I was seeking, it was survival. It was keeping my job. It was being seen in some small way by the powers that be. I developed a highly-tuned skill of responsiveness because it kept me afloat and visible to those above me.

The problem was I didn’t have time and energy to do everything that came my way. And oh, how I hated that I had said “yes” in those moments. This was when my habit of saying “yes” overrode my reality; I would say “yes” despite the fact that I was creating a mountain of work for myself and pushing myself into overwhelm. No matter how busy and burnt out I was, my responsiveness habit took over and I simply said “yes, sure, or you got it.”

Does this resonate? I work with a ton of leaders who came up in similar circumstances and with the same results. Little autonomy, few boundaries, and great pride in being able to power through anything.

Something I learned later in my career is this: it’s okay to not not respond immediately and, instead, cultivate a new default setting. Instead of responding and saying “yes” I discovered that taking up space meant learning more before agreeing, taking a pause before responding, and restructuring my reaction to the demands and (sometimes) whims of those who may be above me on the hierarchy. And it all comes down to asking questions and being curious.

When you’re a highly responsive leader you’re so good at saying “yes” that you don’t even see a space where you could possibly say “no,” “not right now,” or “I need to understand more” before accepting a challenge. But this is a mindset you can start to cultivate. Here’s how you get out of responsive “yes” mode and into a more empowered mindset with your boss or others on your team (paid subscribers, I’ve built a Curiosity Worksheet for you, scroll to the bottom to download!):

• First, you must pause and take a beat before responding. You’re so hardwired to say a quick “yes” that you aren’t giving yourself enough time to consider the consequences or reality for yourself. So, first things first, pause and breathe so you can think before responding.

• Second, ask yourself some questions around these four realities:

  1. Time: Do I have time? What are my priorities? If I take this on, what gets bumped?

  2. Resources: Do I have the resources in the form of budget, staff, product, or a reasonable timeline to make this idea come to fruition?

  3. Bandwidth: Do I have the bandwidth to do this well, or will I dial it in, rush, or cut corners because I simply have other pending priorities?

  4. Quality: Do all of these align so that I can deliver quality work? (Remember, your boss needs you to deliver quality and the 3 questions above make this abundantly clear).

• Third, get curious! Ask some questions, learn more, and provide context to your boss. This is how you coach up, and how you gain more definition about the task at hand so you can make a considered decision. Some curious questions include:

  • Detail Q’s:

    • What is your timeline for this?

    • What makes this (idea/concept) so meaningful for you as a leader?

    • When this gets accomplished, what will it mean for you/the company?

  • Context Q’s:

    • I already do xyz, is there someone in particular you’re thinking of?

    • We’re both so busy, I’m curious, how do you make time to do xyz?

    • I’m already working on xyz, could you share more about your vision for me taking this on?

  • Priority Q’s:

    • If I take this on, which project should I pause?

    • How do you see me accomplishing this alongside my xyz priorities?

    • Can you help me figure this out? Right now, I only have enough time for abc and pdq…

The beauty of asking these questions is you’re demonstrating interest your boss and including them in your success. You’re engaging them as a collaborator by asking them to put themself in your shoes, which can result in some insightful answers. Certainly your boss may still insist you take on this new project or initiative. But, by demonstrating curiosity, asking questions, and expanding the conversation you’re no longer acting in a silo. You’re taking up space as a more empowered and effective leader and creating a new default setting for yourself. One that keeps you in the role of confident coach and leader.

⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:

• 1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around.

• Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)

I look forward to working with you!

* discount applies to the purchase of the Bedrock Trio (a 3-class series for one 16-person group) on various leadership & service topics…an $800 value!

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Thanks for reading! One question, did anyone force you to read this post right now? Probably not. You choosing to read these words at this specific time was completely and totally up to you, right? Right! This ability to choose is empowering and it is the basis of free will, whereby you determine your own path and make you…

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Have you heard of NALP? Well I hadn’t either until last year when I started working with a company that coaches lawyers. NALP - the National Association for Law Placement - is an organization devoted to the placement, recruitment and leadership development of leaders in law firms, and they hold multiple conferences each year. In April I attended my first NALP conference where I moderated a panel with a group of L&D professionals from across the country. While at the conference I met a bunch of folks (all leaders in professional development) and attended various educational sessions. But it was at lunch where I overheard this nugget: “each new hire determines your culture.”

This got my attention. We always think that we will hire great folks with amazing skills and then we’ll share and teach our company culture. But, in fact, your new hires will be determining your culture moving forward, not the other way around. Let me give a couple of examples to prove this point. Let’s say you hire a new COO who is in charge of opening your new concepts and clarifying your operating standards. Dylan does this exceptionally well because he’s very analytical, is hard driving, and is focused on results at all costs. This could be a win on the business side, but what impact is this person making on your culture? How is he modeling your culture to your team and future leaders?

Or, let’s say you hire a GM for one of your locations. Molly is a pro and has worked in some of the best operations; she has built a reputation for her business acumen and creative cost cutting initiatives. You’ve also noticed she’s someone who likes to grind out results in the office and spends most of her time working the numbers and not working the floor. How does this impact your culture? And how does her management habits impact your team and leaders?

When hiring leadership positions it is important to think of each of them as being the next C.C.O. - the Chief Culture Officer - for your operation. This means you need to think about finding folks who already embody your culture before you hire them. While it’s very true that you need results-driven people in leadership roles, you also need people who will keep your culture alive, vibrant, and consistent for those on the team. Culture can’t just be a sign on the wall. Culture isn’t an “initiative.” Culture is the result of the way you treat others, the topics you focus on, how you communicate, and what you value. This is why your mission, beliefs, and values are so important to identify and live by. These elements of your culture will be your business’s North Star and will help you stay clear in moments of turmoil, difficult decision-making, or hiring new folks to join your team.

When you’re hiring new leaders you must remember: they will bring the culture they’re most familiar with (their beliefs and values) to your business. So you must determine one of these three things:

• Are their beliefs and values the same as yours?

• Are their beliefs and values different than yours?

• Are their beliefs and values at odds with yours?

Naturally, when someone shares your values and beliefs this is an ideal situation. You’ve found your match and they can easily adhere to and embody your existing culture. When someone has different values, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they are bad or unwelcome. In fact, they might hold some beliefs that invigorate your culture or that you need to see represented in your culture. But you must find out what their beliefs and values are so you can decide if there’s enough alignment to move forward or not enough to connect with.

Of course the big red flag is when someone’s beliefs and values are at odds with your own. These folks will do one of two things: they will try and bring their values to your team (which creates friction with the values you’ve established), or they will silo themselves without joining in your culture. Which keeps them separate from your team which, in turn, creates a void in leadership. Each leader needs to be an embodiment of your culture; “culture ambassador” isn’t an optional role for the leaders on your team.

So, how do you find out what people believe and what they value? It all comes down to your interview process; this is the most crucial step in hiring the right people! Prep is essential. Prep yourself for your interviews by compiling a list of questions to ask (paid subscribers: scroll to the bottom for my interview worksheet!). Do some research on the other places they’ve worked to see what those businesses stand for and ask questions about those values.

During in-person interviews you have a lot to gain from observing your candidate. You can conduct interviews in a public place where you can observe them as they arrive and wait to meet with you or your colleagues. You can also ask the team what their impressions are. And, if you’re hiring an executive or higher level manager role I highly recommend that the second or third interview is over a meal; this is how you see them live their values out loud, by interacting with the staff, interacting with you, and conducting themself in a less formal interview arena.

I encourage you to write this down: my next hire is the CCO. This will help you remember that the next person you hire into your very important and impactful leadership role will make a dent in your culture. So you gotta know what that impact will be.

⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:

• 1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around.

• Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)

I look forward to working with you!

* discount applies to the purchase of the Bedrock Trio (a 3-class series for one 16-person group) on various leadership & service topics…an $800 value!

Read more

I was at a restaurant recently, one known for their wood fired pizza, waiting near the host stand for my friends to join me. As the host greeted the incoming guests I couldn’t help but observe her interactions. She was very hospitable, greeting each arriving person with warm smiles and clear communication. She exuded confid…

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You’re busy. You’re a high achieving leader and your plate is FULL. Maybe you’re an entrepreneur or executive chef scaling your brand. You don’t have any extra time…and if you did you’d rather spend it with your family or out doing something mindless and fun. Time is the most precious commodity we have as leaders, I know very well that it’s in short supply and hard to come by.

That said, I want you to consider a great use of your time. One that can help you generate more energy and productivity. And that is time spent on yourself. When you focus on your needs and priorities you will actually harness time and even gain time back. How, you ask? Because, when you focus on yourself, your needs, and your priorities, you fill your tank. And you need a full tank to be productive and show up as a leader to your team and colleagues.

Why am I bringing this up? Because often, when I work with my clients, they tell me that they’re too busy to follow through on their own growth. Too busy to work on their own development. Too busy to take time for themselves. Their fear is that if they focus on themselves, this will conflict with their goals for their operation or team.

I see it differently. When you invest in yourself in some small but meaningful way each day, you’re filling your tank and energizing yourself for the job ahead. I’m not alone in my thinking, the most productive, expansive, and productive leaders take time to focus on their own growth and well-being every single day. Here’s some examples of how the most productive leaders create time for self-focus every day:

• Working Out: Most high powered leaders start the day with a workout. Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple, gets up early and works out for an hour to help himself manage stress. Jack Dorsey, Anna Wintour, and Barak Obama all subscribe to the same habit and each has a morning routine that includes a daily workout.

• Journaling, Meditating & Reflecting: Oprah Winfrey starts her day with a spiritual practice and meditation and ends it by reflecting on her day and writing in her gratitude journal. Alison Moore, the CEO of Chief, uses a journal to jot down all her thoughts and ideas during the day, as well as a place to capture all the insights she learns about her team. This keeps her connected to the people around her while reducing “digital clutter.”

• Protecting Your Thinking Time: Adam Grant, author and Wharton professor, protects his mornings for his deepest work and schedules meetings only in the afternoons. This allows him to prioritize himself first thing each day. Another great way to prioritize yourself is to set an intention at the beginning of each day. This helps you stay focused on your goal and vision for yourself and while it helps you clarify the choices and decisions you address daily. (Paid subs can check out my Intentionality Worksheet below, or, you can become a paid subscriber and get your worksheet today!)

• Staying Grounded: Many leaders like to do mundane tasks to stay grounded and humble. Bill Gates likes to do dishes and housework at night and Angela Merkel stayed connected to her everyday life by doing her own cooking and grocery shopping while she was the Chancellor of Germany.

I have learned some cool hacks from my clients as well. One has a Line a Day Journal that helps him keep his priorities clear; turns out his biggest priority is his family, not work. This insight brings him perspective when things heat up and and helps him lower his stress around important decisions. Another client keeps a gratitude journal (I love the journals from Gry Mattr, this one is so cheerful) that helps to remind her that she has landed her dream job where she enjoys a a ton of autonomy. And another batches out her tasks by day so she can clarify her priorities and focus on each facet of her business in targeted chunks (this task list helps keep me organized and on track).

Creating a habit of working on yourself is like practicing an instrument or training for a marathon. Why do you suffer through scales and etudes? Why do you schedule longer and harder runs? The goal is to eventually do it with ease. Your goal and vision for yourself is the thing! Because, as a leader, you’ll always be busy. There will always be priorities competing for your precious time. But when you can start a practice of self-care, self-focus, and self-determination you will see results. And gain more energy in the process.

⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:

• 1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around.

• Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)

I look forward to working with you!

* discount applies to the purchase of the Bedrock Trio (a 3-class series for one 16-person group) on various leadership & service topics…an $800 value!

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I don’t know about you, but since we changed the clocks on March 8th, I feel a palpable shift. Just having the sun last a little later in the day has been a game changer for me. I feel lighter, brighter, and happier knowing that Spring is really on its way and that the long, cold winter will soon be a thing of the past. Sometimes just one little shift -…

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You may already know this about me: I’m a Peloton junkie. No, not the bike, the workout app; I love that it has hundreds, if not thousands, of workouts geared toward engaging your entire body through various modalities: weight lifting, pilates, yoga, HIIT, aerobics, and more. I use the app most every day and do stretching and meditation on my scheduled off days.

Recently I did a 30-minute glutes and legs workout with the instructor Robin Arzon. It was a Destiny’s Child workout and, as you can imagine, it was high energy and motivating. What you might not know is that Robin goes HARD. She doesn’t mess around and her six pack is proof that she is a committed weightlifter and instructor. One song in particular came on at a crucial moment toward the end of the class. The last section was a combo of weighted one leg hip bridges followed by a plank, which came after two rounds of an AMRAP that included weighted squats, reverse lunges, deadlifts and rollups. At this point I was feeling the workout, my muscles were working hard, and this weighted hip bridge was starting to annoy me. Seriously, I thought to myself, I don’t need this move in my life.

At that moment an iconic Destiny’s Child power anthem came on and the familiar refrain pushed me out of my irritation. It inspired me to keep moving my body and complete the movements as instructed. Certainly the beat is persistent and familiar, but it was the words that were cathartic, empowering, and sticky:

I’m a survivor, I’m not gon’ give up, I’m not gon’ stop, I’m gon’ work harder.

I’m a survivor, I’m gonna make it, I will survive, Keep on survivin’!

The words, percussively and powerfully sung, were motivating. They made me think: I’ve come this far, am I going to quit now? Absolutely not! And I did finish…feeling energized, proud, and unstoppable.

That song is an absolute ear worm and it got stuck on repeat in my head… and guess what? I was super productive the entire day; I slayed my to-do list and got ahead on a bunch of other tasks. Partly it was the energy a good workout brings, but it was also the music. The music helped fuel my productivity for many hours on end.

This story is not unique to me. Music is a powerful tool utilized by accomplished people everywhere. World class athletes often utilize a playlist to get themselves hyped up or focused for their moment of competition. Michael Phelps, Lindsay Vonn, and Simone Biles have all compiled playlists (hyperlinked to each name) of the songs that keep them energized, inspired, and focused on their upcoming moment of competition.

There is scientific backing for the impact of music. In an article in the Harvard Medical Journal, researchers found that music “lights up each part of the brain” making listening to music a powerful cerebral experience. Music is also processed through the “autonomic nervous system (ANS), a network that controls certain involuntary processes like breathing and heart rate.” This explains why our heart rate syncs with music that is fast, intense, or relaxing; our bodies relate to musical rhythms, tones, and acoustics involuntarily. How cool is that?

Researchers have also affirmed that music is not only inspiring, but that music can help us be more productive. The caveat: the music you choose must align with your work style and personality. In an article in the Harvard Business Review the author shares this stat:

“If you are extroverted, you will tend to be naturally under-stimulated, which is why your performance will likely increase with background music or minor distractions. Conversely, being an introvert increases the probability that you find any background noise, including music, distracting, to the point of impairing your performance.”

For extroverts who need more loud noise in their lives, a high energy playlist with an upbeat tempo can be very helpful, while that same playlist could drive an introvert to distraction. So, for folks who need quiet, a more calming, lower BPM playlist - or absolute silence - is preferred.

Then there is a the task that you’re working on. If you’re concentrating on something written, songs with words might compete for your focus. Written tasks might require less sound or an instrumental background, so your brain can focus on the words and sentences you’re crafting. On the other hand, an artistic or more abstract project might be aided by music with words that connect to your motivation or inspiration.

What it comes down to is this: what do you need to be productive and what are you seeking to achieve? It’s essential to understand the results you’re seeking before putting on your headphones (paid subscribers: scroll down for my Productivity Playlist Worksheet). Before switching your music on “play” take some time to consider your mood, the location you’re working in, your -version type (intro- or extro-), and project goals. When you’ve clarified these points then you can reach for songs that support you in a purposeful and active way. And yes, I said headphones. If you work in any kind of open environment (a co-working space, a cafe, or an airplane) your music is for you and you alone. Each person has different needs at different points in their day, including you.

Thanks for reading!

xoKate

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When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:

• 1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around.

• Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)

I look forward to working with you!

* discount applies to the purchase of the Bedrock Trio (a 3-class series for one 16-person group) on various leadership & service topics…an $800 value!

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Okay, I did it. After regularly listening to Amy Poehler’s Good Hang, where she always references the Enneagram test (she’s an 8, “The Challenger”), I finally caved and did it myself. The quiz has 144 questions and takes about 40 minutes to complete and guess what? I’m a 9, what Enneagram calls “The Peacemaker”. But I’m …

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Have you ever gone zip lining? I’ve done it a few times while on our annual trip to Costa Rica and it’s always a completely exhilarating experience. Even though I can say I’m relatively experienced in zip lining (once 300 feet over the jungle and another time in a steep gorge over a rushing river) and feel like I’m relatively confident with the process, I’ve still had moments of complete panic. The what-if’s start going: What if my harness malfunctions and I plunge into the gorge? What if I can’t stop and plaster myself into the receiving wall and crush my tibias up to my knees? What if I apply too much pressure to the line and my fingers get ripped off? (I know, dramatic, right?)

Each time I’ve gone I’ve had to confront the panic of the unknown…and calm myself down so I can actually enjoy this very safe sport (turns out the most dangerous activities in Costa Rica are to walk on the side of the road, sit in the sun, or slip on wet tile). But this is how our brains work. We walk through the world on high-alert in order to prevent danger and minimize risk.

The trouble is we spend so much time looking for risk that we ignore the obvious: we’re completely safe. Yup. In most situations we can enjoy a high level of safety and security. If you’re reading this it’s likely you have housing and food security, you’re relatively healthy, and you’re not surrounded by dangerous, bloodthirsty animals. And yet we constantly live as if we are.

And what about your work environment? I’m sure we’ve all worked in operations that are unsafe physically (the kitchen is on the lower level down a flight of slippery, slanted stairs) or emotionally (the owner is mercurial and mean; the manager has been known to throw things in times of stress), which leads to more of the “what-if’s.” Our feelings are justified, bad things have happened. But are they happening now? This is a crucial moment of self-awareness. Since we’re very often on auto pilot, acting from a place of high risk awareness, it’s easy to gloss over the fact that we’re actually quite safe.

And, if you’re a leader in your operation, you also may have this advantage: you’re high up in the hierarchy which gives you relative power. When coaching my clients they all too quickly minimize their roles, minimize their power, and act from a place of fear and trauma. So we work on acknowledging the past and also acknowledging the present moment. It’s essential to get away from the negativity spiral because, quite simply, it’s sapping your energy. Stress is draining even if it’s imagined! By existing in the present moment we can tap into our current power, our current autonomy and our current safety. And this is a very energizing place.

When you can unplug from the old cycle of fear you can plug into a wellspring of energy. And by focusing on the truth of the matter you can more easily get out of the draining cycle and live safely in the present moment. Here are a few tried and few ways to stop the “what-if’s” from taking over:

• Create a mantra.

  • A mantra is a simple and memorable phrase that you can use to stop a spiral. I like using “I am safe.” or “I have everything I need right now.” These both help me calm my mind when I’m stuck thinking of all the glorious options of what could possibly go wrong.

• Counter possibility with likelihood.

  • Just because something is possible doesn’t mean it’s likely. Just because I could fall to my death from the zip line, it it highly unlikely. Reminding myself that I am equipped with various fail safes to prevent any mishap helps me level set the likelihood of things going wrong. It’s highly unlikely I will fall. By working through what is truly likely you can regain your footing and reset your self talk.

• Ask yourself “what’s the reality?”

  • This is an exercise I do when I’m freaked out (that I’m going to fall to my death on the zip line). I ask myself what the reality is. The reality is I’m in a harness. The reality is I’m not even yet moving. The reality is I chose a reputable spot. The reality is my heart is racing. The reality is everything is actually okay. The reality is the air is fresh. The reality is I actually like being here right now. The reality is I like doing this. The reality is I will be so happy I did it. The reality is I’m super excited right now to do this. The reality is I’m ready and safe. This method is a simple way to break down what is true and what is a distraction from the moment I’m experiencing.

• Schedule “worry time.”

  • Doctors at Harvard Medical school recommend that one way to get out of a negativity spiral (what they call “catastrophic thinking”) is to schedule time to think through those thoughts fully. They recommend scheduling a block of “worry time.” When you’re stuck in a moment filled with negative what-if’s, you’ll say to yourself, “I’ll think through that later.” Which allows you to move forward in the moment. Then, during your scheduled worry time, you go back to those thoughts and work through them. This allows you to honor and explore your thinking while moving on in the moment.

Safety is a mindset that needs daily massage and care. We need safety to do hard things and to help us stay grounded in our present existence. This requires self-awareness and practice. So that, when you’re in a truly unsafe situation, you have the wherewithal to protect yourself and make a hasty exit. You’ve built resilience around your own self-preservation and you can rely on a full supply of energy to fuel your efforts in the present moment.

Thanks for reading!

xoKate

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When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:

• 1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around.

• Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)

I look forward to working with you!

* discount applies to the purchase of the Bedrock Trio (a 3-class series for one 16-person group) on various leadership & service topics…an $800 value!

Read more

The day has now passed, but Quitters Day was on January 10th. This is the historic day that happens yearly, typically the second Friday after New Year’s, when people quit their resolutions and go back to the same old same old.

So my question to you is, did you celebrate Quitters Day by ignoring your intentions and going back to your tried and true patterns? I really hope not, but, if so, I get it. There is one good reason why quitting a new habit is so easy to do. Because we’re hard wired to keep doing what we know.

There’s two reasons we have a hard time sticking with our resolutions. One reason is that our every day actions are comprised of deeply ingrained habits that we’ve honed over time. The second reason is that change is extremely hard. I know this because I have some outdated habits I’ve been confronting and working on for a lifetime (my sweet tooth always gets the better of me). And I also know because I’m hired to help people change their habits and mindsets at work. So I know first and second hand that change is hard. A good intention isn’t enough.

So how do people change their ways? How do great leaders change their mindsets and ingrained habits?

Well, it comes down to this: identifying a compelling goal. What is it that you truly want? And what are you willing to do to achieve it? Here’s how I describe a goal: it’s a target to aim for. When you have identified your target, then you can make choices that enable you to aim toward it. Without a goal you’re just shooting in the dark. So, if you want be more confident or be more organized, then you must identify your purpose, your belief, you’re raison d’etre, or your golden why.

This means asking yourself what I call the “Endless Because.” The Endless Because is a method for finding out what is truly important to you. I’ll give you an example: let’s say your goal is to be more confident. You’ll keep asking yourself “because” until you get to the kernel of truth. Here’s how it works:

• I want to be more confident.

  • Because?

• Because I don’t want to have so much self-doubt.

  • Because?

• Because my self-doubt doesn’t align with what I know to be true.

  • Because?

• Because I know I have a ton of experience and have earned my role here.

  • Because?

• Because my knowledge is unique to me and I have a desire to share it, this makes me very valuable and someone that others respect.

  • Because?

• Because I believe everyone should have access to all the same information that I know, which I’m willing to share, so that I can help others achieve their goals and visions for themselves.

This is the important kernel: identifying what you believe. This method helps you understand what is most important to you while you clarify your beliefs. Because, when you identify your beliefs you can then reach for the actions that represent them and bring them to life. Which creates authenticity, and which creates confidence in your actions and choices.

When you act from your beliefs you’re more motivated to achieve your goal. Being confident isn’t as motivating as understanding where your confidence is sourced from. It’s the same thing with any resolution: what is your belief or your truth? This will help you move toward your goal and maintain your resolutions.

Now, if you haven’t made any resolutions and want to consider starting something new I have two options for you to adopt or steal. These golden nuggets aren’t about adding new things but about subtracting old things:

• Leonard Bernstein: “I resolve to stop complaining.”

• Bruce Lee: “It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials.”

These are two simple resolutions that can have immediate and profound results on your day-to-day choices. The idea is to identify the purpose of your resolution: why is it important to you that you stop complaining? What is it about hacking away at the inessentials that will make a positive impact on your life?

Let me know how you progress with your resolutions this year and I’ll do the same. Thanks for reading!

With love,
Kate

⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:

• 1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around.

• Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)

I look forward to working with you!

* discount applies to the purchase of the Bedrock Trio (a 3-class series for one 16-person group) on various leadership & service topics…an $800 value!

In 1994 I recorded my first solo LP - in classic cassette tape format - that included three original dance tracks (see photo above).

No, this is not a joke! Prior to my career in hospitality I was a singer for many years. I worked in various genres and collaborated with anyone making good music so I could gain experience and find my niche. In the early days I did a ton of background vocals, had a stint in a girl group, and then leaned heavily into dance music. At this time I decided to record my own material and worked with an engineer named Lior who helped me bring my music to life in his home studio.

As a singer and songwriter I had one big challenge. I had a full song in my head, complete with various parts, but I had to get that song out of my head and express it clearly, so Lior could turn it into a fully articulated recorded song. As a singer I had expansive vocal chops and could sing my melody and background vocals with ease. But it was hard to let Lior know how I was envisioning the bass line, drum style, and overall ambiance.

The way we worked is that I would sing a line to emulate each part (bass/guitar/keyboards) and then express verbally what I wanted. I would say things like “could we do a bass line like the one in the verse of Livin’ Joy’s Dreamer?” I had to be very specific so that he could truly understand what was in my head. If I had just left it to him (an accomplished artist and DJ who founded the group Astral Projection, known for their unique Israeli psychedelic/Goa trance music) I would have likely gotten very different results.

Just because something is abundantly clear to you doesn’t mean it occurs to others in the exact same way. Imagine if I had just said “make it sound cool.” He would have had no idea of what “cool” meant to me. Our versions of “cool” would have been incredibly different and I could have ended up with a song that sounded like something I would never have considered. Now, if I didn’t have any idea of what I wanted that could have been a very interesting and expansive collaboration. However, as the leader of this production with a clear vision for the end result, I had to be abundantly clear in sharing my concept so he could help me attain it. I had to broadcast my expectations again and again with Lior so he could bring my music to life.

Fast forward to 2025; something that has come up a ton in my work recently is how setting expectations is the ultimate game changer for leaders. By setting clear expectations you are able to guide people to truly understand what you have in your head. The very cool news is that setting expectations also helps you take the friction out of feedback. Here’s why:

• Setting expectations at the start of a project or work relationship clarifies what you want, how you see things, and what your vision is for the task at hand (or project, goal, or role in the organization).

• By clarifying what you want you remove doubt for those working with you.

• When you’ve removed doubt at the beginning you also remove friction during the execution of the task or project.

• So that, at the end, when you give feedback on the execution (that is comprised of said expectations) there are few surprises.

Here’s the thing: feedback is inherently backward facing; we look back and then comment on what happened in the past. Feedback is not proactive, it is reactive. This is very different than sharing expectations upfront. The power of setting expectations at the start of a project or task is that you’re actually being very proactive. You’re setting your colleague up for success by telling them what you need/desire/require for the task to succeed. So, when the deadline is hit and you share your feedback after the task has been completed, you’re referencing the very things you agreed upon in the beginning. Removing doubt at the front end helps you remove friction from the feedback delivered at the end.

Broadcasting your expectations is something you can do in so many settings with so many different people. You can set expectations with your team (when assigning projects or goals), you can set expectations with your clients (to clarify the timeline, deliverables, and the touch points where you require their input), you can set expectations with your colleagues and peers (setting an agenda for a meeting or group project), and you can even set expectations for those new to your team (by sharing how you work and what is important to you and your organization).

When we simply give feedback at the end we’re doing those around us a disservice. We’re creating doubt instead of confidence or clarity. By taking a moment at the start to set your team up with the expectations they need to fulfill the goal/task you’re setting out, you’re helping them succeed in their role. Without friction, and instead with a healthy dose of confidence and clarity.

By now you’re wondering what happened to my dance cassette? While I didn’t end up becoming the next Lady Gaga I did have some fun performing my tunes. I proudly sent it out to various music labels and I performed around town, most notably at Webster Hall on the main stage and at an industry showcase for a crowd that included Madonna. I was so proud of my music in part because Lior and I had a meeting of the minds; we built trust through our collaboration and communication. Without any friction whatsoever.

⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:

• 1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around.

• Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)

I look forward to working with you!

* discount applies to the purchase of the Bedrock Trio (a 3-class series for one 16-person group) on various leadership & service topics…an $800 value!

Read more

You know when you have that lightbulb moment of: omg, it’s just that obvious! A eureka insight that solidifies your thinking? I had one of those a few weeks ago. And that insight was really simple. It’s simply that good leadership pays forward.

By modeling good leadership skills you’re paying good leadership forward for th…

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I’m a super creative thinker; I love coming up with creative ideas, and imagining big, fat, juicy ideas and concepts and solutions. Nothing gets my blood running hot like a big idea. New ice cream concept including marketing plan and custom packaging? I got it. New book idea for a murder mystery with a unique death scenario and an unsuspecting protagonist? Yes, I’m all over it! However, often when I have challenged myself to bring one of my wonderful ideas to life I have been thwarted in finding a starting point. I can see the big beautiful vision but I get stuck finding a way in.

I see this with my clients: the beautiful vision blinds them with it’s vividness and yet the starting point becomes obscured. When you can’t find a starting point you can get stuck and don’t begin; which then becomes both demoralizing and paralyzing. When I’m working with these folks (or others who are stuck in the moment) my go-to coaching question is a question of limitation. So, when they say something to the effect of “I know I need to do xyz but I just don’t know how to get there” the question I inevitably ask is this:

This question has inherent limits. I don’t ask for their big solution, I ask for their smallest solution. Big thinkers will always think big, but I have discovered that the tiniest way in is still a way in. Less really is more because this limited question has a double purpose:

1. Asking for only one thing gives the speaker ownership and autonomy to choose their next step. This is both empowering and reaffirming: you already know the best answer. Everyone can find one little thing they can do to help themselves and come to their own rescue.

2. Limiting the scope prevents overwhelm and inertia. Instead of thinking of all of the possibilities I ask them to think of only one little bit of it. And one little bit…we’ll that’s pretty easy to identify. In all my years of posing this question I have never had anyone not have an answer.

As we approach the 31st, I want you to start limiting your thinking to just “one thing.” It’s so common to reach for life changing resolutions and big wide-ranging aspirations that can be exciting and inspiring. But these choices can also be daunting and hard to attain. So let’s think about this classic resolution: I want to get in shape/go to the gym/run that marathon/eat better. Who hasn’t set that intention on January first and then fallen flat when real life hits? Instead, let’s use the 3 magic words: what’s one thing? This is how we could approach that resolution differently:

• What’s one thing I could do to feel more fit?

• What’s one thing I could do to eat more healthfully?

• What’s one thing I could adjust in my schedule to make running a weekly pursuit?

• What’s one thing I could do to get to the gym regularly?

• Or you can mix it up: What’s one barrier I can move or adjust so I can get to the gym regularly?

As we approach the new year I want you to pose this question to yourself and use it as a way to limit your scope and find a way to begin something new. It’s time to get creative! I want you to pose yourself the simple three words of “what’s one thing…” and fill in the blanks. So, it could be “what’s one thing that will make me feel more confident?” Or, “what’s one thing that will help improve my relationships?” Or, “what’s one thing I can do to take care of myself?”

For my paid subscribers I have a worksheet that can help prompt a few different “one things” you can do to get started in your new year, and maybe even, your new life. Let me know what “one thing” you’re choosing, I can’t wait to hear how you will make 2026 the best year ever.

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When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:

• 1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around.

• Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)

I look forward to working with you!

* discount applies to the purchase of the Bedrock Trio (a 3-class series for one 16-person group) on various leadership & service topics…an $800 value!

Read more

I’m a big fan of time blocking. The practice where you assign big blocks of time to various tasks in your week. For some it’s blocking out hours in day for a given task, or even blocking out full days to increase focus and productivity. This is something I talk about with my clients and they, invariably, add this to t…

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We started our trip to Germany this September in the United Lounge at Newark Airport. Have you been to Newark Airport recently? Back in the day it was known as the armpit of the NYC airports and was the subject of derision and regret when flying in and out of this hub. These days it’s a different story. The airport has transformed (and is still undergoing renovations) into a first rate travel experience complete with decent restaurants, New Jersey themed snack shops, good coffee, and fun shops. It’s definitely more airy, fun, and clean than it used to be, but is it romantic? Um no, it’s definitely not romantic.

Despite that, while killing time in the lounge my chef husband and I enjoyed a brief romantic moment. Reinhold stood up to get another coffee and, before leaving our table, he leaned down and placed a little kiss upon my lips. It was sweet and captured our mood…we were excited to depart and looking forward to a little time away from our normal life. We smiled at one another then he went to get his coffee and I returned to reading my new book.

A moment later an older woman came up to me. She was a tiny lady, both sporty and gregarious, and she leaned in to me and said “thank you for being you.” I said thank you back with a smile, but with a quizzical inflection; I wasn’t really sure what she meant. So she elaborated that she had seen us kiss and loved watching that moment transpire…for her it was a meaningful moment and she felt compelled to share her appreciation for us showing our love for one another in public. I was taken aback, while we knew we were in public, we certainly weren’t making a statement per se. So to hear that an observer felt better for it was eye opening. And reassuring…I believe love is love and love is everywhere. And she showed us love by joining us in it.

What stuck with me is that when you’re in public, every action you take sends a message. This happens to every one of us in some small way; our moods, actions, and choices are registered by those around us. When my husband kissed me in the lounge we didn’t send a message of acrimony or discord, we sent a message of love and togetherness. And it was observed and received in the exact same way.

It’s the same in leadership. As a leader, it’s essential to understand you’re always in the public eye and your actions always send a message. When you’re in charge you’re not just sitting in an airplane lounge minding your own business; you’re at work and your actions resonate with everyone around you. If you’ve worked with me or taken one of my classes you know this is one of my catchphrases:

As a leader you must always be aware that you’re sending subtle messages all day long. So, what message do you want to send? What message do you want to be remembered for? What message represents your best intentions? You’re choosing your message every moment of every day. The key is to be intentional in the moment.

Because you get to choose what your message will be you must consider the message you want to send. Do you need to send a message of inclusion, of authority, of clarity, or of enthusiasm? You will have many different messages to send during different moments in your work day, so you must be thoughtful, which requires some prep.

Maybe there’s some upheaval at work and your team is feeling a little unsure or unsteady. Your prep might be to project transparency and openness by inviting questions so everyone can gain their footing. Perhaps someone has been questioning your choices and you need to project authority. Your prep might be to stand up straight, look people in the eye, and address push-back straight on, with clarity and without defense. Or maybe your team is a little fried. This might be the time to project some empathy and energy, smiling, engaging others in light banter, or gamifying some chores to get things done with ease.

At the end of the day your choices makes a huge impact. And you must prep yourself to thoughtfully and intentionally message your beliefs and values. Whether that is inclusion, respect, or reliability (or love!), you choose what to demonstrate to those around you, and your actions will support your message. Day after day after day.

When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:

• 1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around!

• Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)

I look forward to working with you!

* discount applies to the purchase of the Bedrock Trio (a 3-class series for one 16-person group) on various leadership & service topics…an $800 value!

Read more

Warning: The following contains depictions of hospitality hostility that may activate your “hospitality hero” response to jump into overdrive. They are countered by depictions of hospitality wholesomeness that will warm your hospitality heart. Promise!

Hello people! I know I’m speaking to a legion of hospitality fanatics…

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