Withstand the Storm
Harness Your Stress Response
I want you to picture a lighthouse. A stately structure, it stands up tall and lights the way for ships passing in the night or during a storm. A lighthouse is literally built to withstand a storm, to endure the elements, and to persevere through time and hardship. When in a hurricane or a nor’easter, a lighthouse is the place you lean on for safety and security.
Now I want you to picture a sailboat. Nothing too grand, just a single masted boat made of wood or fiberglass. It is a thing of beauty that was built to ride the waves and harness the wind with grace and power. Until there’s a storm, at which point a sailboat can fall victim to nature and get throttled by the sea and the wind.
So where would you rather be in a storm? And who would you rather be in a proverbial storm? I hope you said “Lighthouse” because that’s the right answer. As a leader you’ll confront many storms and it’s essential that you know how to demonstrate that you can withstand the storm.
In a recent article on Harvard Business Review, researchers have found that leaders are highly stressed and that there is a pattern to how they respond to that stress. The authors state:
“Under pressure, leaders tend to gravitate toward one of six recurring patterns — reactions shaped by how they read the moment and how they regulate themselves.”
The authors built a framework that includes these six categories: Lighthouse, Alchemist, Firefighter, Stoic, Diplomat, and Container (read the full article to identify your most common response style). They suggest that it’s important to understand and leverage these responses during various stressful moments. The one I find is so useful is the Lighthouse model. The researchers have determined that people who respond to stress using the Lighthouse model display these tendencies:
“Instead of matching urgency with urgency, they tend to hold their ground and steadily guide others through ambiguity. In high-pressure situations this style of leadership creates conditions that promote psychological safety, where people feel free to speak up, admit mistakes, and express uncertainty without fear of humiliation or punishment. Studies of high-reliability organizations—from air-traffic control to hospital emergency units—show that calm leadership keeps teams focused and prevents what psychologists call the ‘emotional contagion of fear.’”
This is what I commonly work on with my clients: their ability to weather the storm, create safety for their teams, and calm themselves down. Your ability to be a beacon of calm without exacerbating the situation or adding to the pressure is an essential leadership skill. One that you can begin to cultivate starting today. Here’s my method for cultivating a Lighthouse stress response when things heat up:
Pause. Take a moment to pause, because pausing gives you a moment to choose your response. So often we react to stress without thinking instead of thoughtfully choosing our response to it. The pause is essential to leadership and to you being that lighthouse for your team.
Self-Assess. The first most important thing you can do is focus in on yourself and your own stress. Notice your breathing, your tension level, and your thinking. If you’re stressed, your breathing will be constricted, your jaw, hands, and shoulders will be tight, your mind will either race or freeze. At this point you’re stressed. So it’s crucial that you take care of yourself and…
Take a Breath. Take in a deep, slow breath and let it out. Breathe in and breathe out a few times. Once you’ve started breathing, start to loosen your body. Lower your shoulders, loosen your jaw, let your belly go, let the breath in fully. Deep breathing has been proven to relax the central nervous system which creates a profound reaction in your entire body (read more from the Yale School of Medicine on the power of deep breathing).
Breathing is the only way to help your body and brain get grounded so you can respond in the best way possible. So you can prep yourself to become that beacon of calm and security for your team. (Paid subs, scroll to the bottom for a cool breathing timer…)
Another helpful method for lessening your stress response is to cultivate some support for yourself. Whether that is a peer in your organization, a pal outside of it who has similar concerns, or a coach or mentor, it’s essential to have someone to turn to for a fresh POV, as a judgement-free sounding board, and generous support. So many leaders I coach work in a silo. Connection and sharing is so helpful because it helps these isolated leaders discover that they are not alone, their reactions are understandable, and their stress is universal.
Responding to stress is an ongoing area of improvement for leaders. Every day you have a chance to work on responding in a calm and rational way, one that represents you in the best, more authentic way possible.
➡️ A great way to practice your stress response is by signing up for my app, Choose Coaching! The app offers daily practice, practical lessons, and guided reflections, not only on how to ask great questions, but how to be a focused listener, a grounded leader and a present coach for your team.
➡️ When you’re ready here’s how you can work with me:
1:1 individual coaching can help you identify your deeply ingrained, outdated habits and help you build yourself into the leader you know you can be. A leader who is authentic, confident, and energizing to be around.
Team Training is built to unify leadership teams in various leadership skills. From delegation to feedback to communication, I have a class that fits your needs. (Paid subscribers get a $50/pp discount on my group class Bedrock Trio* - upgrade your subscription today!)
I look forward to working with you!
